I dont know if it was because it was just the boys and I here last nite or what. I was just watching tv, and all of the sudden felt really down. There are a number of things it could be. One is it could just be me feeling sad about Carli again, but I dont feel like that is it. I could just have been bummed since this is technically my first nite staying without Casey in this house. Or it could be a little hormonal deal. When I was pregnant with Mikaela, before I knew I was pregnant with her...I would lay in bed after Casey had fallen asleep, and just cry. I didnt know why...but I did. I later found out it was the hormones that i didnt know were flowing thru me. I am really hoping that is the case for me.
If that is what it is....I feel a little bitter sweet about it. Our due date would be March 27, 2008. Our little Carli was born and became an angel on March 20, 2007. I have mixed emotions. I decided that I wasnt going to avoid this month...cuz I do still believe what happens....happens.
On a weird side note...I have always kinda laughed at this...but so far it has held true, with the exception of Casey! Mikaela and I were born in 1997 and 1977, both odd years. Carter and Keaton were born in 2002 and 2004, both even years. Then we had Carli in 2007, odd year. So, if we do conceive, I think the next one will be a boy, since the year of birth will be 2008. I have to be honest though...I really want my theory to be off....cuz i would really love to have another baby girl! Casey throws it all off thou.....he was born in 1975. Oh well, I really cant wait to test the theory. I do have to admit though, this child may not even be conceived yet, but I already have a strong feeling it will be a boy!!
Casey and Mikaela took Jordan, our nephew, to the airport today. Since his flight was so early, the went up last nite with my MIL and stayed at a hotel. I know Mikaela is going to be super sad today. Jordan used to live here, but has since moved with Casey's sister to AZ. Jordan is only 6 months older than Mikaela...and they are usually pretty close. I am bummed for her today.
Well, I have to go get Carter ready for a birthday party he is going to today. A fun filled day at the pool and then a sleepover. I hope he stays. I will update that later!!
Not too much of a change, but I felt I needed something different. I really need to see if I can learn how to change it up a bit more. I figured maybe if I change it up, then it would motivate me to post something.
Not too much has been going on! We had Carter's birthday party...which turned out really good. I will have to get motivated to get some pics of it up!! Mikaela's team got 3rd in the tournament. We got beat out by Yates Center, 10 to 2 I think it was. I really think the girls already had it in their head that they were gonna lose!! Which is really sad...cuz they are a good bunch of girls!!
Last Saturday after I got off work at 2pm, we went to Worlds of Fun/Oceans of Fun! My aunt had tickets thru her work. The kids only got to go to OOF for about 30-45 mins...but I think we might have to make another trip up there soon!! The boys had so much fun!! This time I got to ride 2 rides!! Spinning Dragons, and the Patriot!! I rode them both with Mikaela...and really enjoyed it!!
Casey sent me a text message about taking the month layoff that they offer at work. I think I am going to let him do it. He gets 80% of his pay. I wish I could do something like that with my work. I just get so burned out sometimes. I love my job, but I am having a hard time there right now.
My poor lilac bush that our banker gave us after Carli passed, has passed too!! I dont know if it was too much rain that we got that killed it or what! I am not a good gardner!! It looks really bad all dead and brown in the corner of my yard!! Oh well...what can I do?
But on the other hand, the butterfly bushes and plants that are out at Carli's site look great!!! The plant I think it is, has really beautiful purple blooms on it!! Now if only we could see Carli's bench out there with it all!! I am really upset that it isnt there yet!! I would have rather him have told me that it would take longer rather than shorter. He told me 2 months...and it has been more than 2 months. I go out there almost every day to see if it is there. I guess it wont really make much difference when it comes thou. It wont bring my Carli back, but I guess I am really looking forward to people seeing her bench. Crazy huh?
I really should go clean my house. But it is my day off, and that just doesnt sound like any fun! I am going to try to talk Casey into letting me go scrapping tonite at my favorite scrap store. I havent gone scrapping since March 2006. Pretty sad huh? I really need to do some pages on Carli. But I seem to kinda be at a lose of what to do with her pages. I am hoping the inspiration comes to me when I get to the store, if I get to go!!
I guess I close this out with telling you that I wrote a message to Carli in the sand at the beach the other day. It said, We miss you Carli! We heart you!!
And that is so true Carli, we miss you and love you and not a day goes by that I dont think of you!!
And we lost!! Yates Center beat us 10-1. I think the girls had it in there head that they were gonna lose! We had the bats swinging!! But all the hits were going right back to the pitcher!! And the pitcher and first baseman were a good combo!! I dont think the first baseman dropped one ball!! Whereas, our first baseman did! Poor girl...she was beating herself up!! And we had one mom that was being pissy. I guess some of the girls went swimming yesterday, and they dont recommend any swimming the day of a game....but I dont think that was the reason we lost!! It was a bummer, and I really wish Kaela's team could have beat Yates Center.
We did go up the hill and watched one of our other home teams beat Yates Center!!! That was really exciting. That was the next best thing...if we couldnt be #1, then we didnt want YC to be #1!
As did Mikaela!! We played our make-up game last nite!! It was great!! We were tied 0 all thru 3 innings. Then the stinky Lebo team scored one run....score 1-0, them. Lebo beat the snot out of us in our regular season game, 11-2. It was not pretty!! But, I do think the crappy rain we had that day didnt help either. It was quite chilly and you could see some of our girls shivering!! Any way...back to the game from last nite! Mikalea's first at bat, she whopped the ball hard, nice hit, but it went right to the 2nd baseman who was in the right place!! Damn!! Great hit thou!! She had some awesome plays...including a backhand stop. A great throw to first that was a little high, and our first baseman didnt catch. Another play where she stopped the ball, but it got a little away from her. But she went after it, slipped in some mud and landed on her butt...but still managed to toss a good toss to the 3rd baseman...but the runner was just a little quicker!! We go to bat at the top of the 5th, with Mikaela being first batter! I honestly cant remember where exactly she hit the ball...but it was a good hit and she got a single!! That was the start to a great inning! We scored 6 runs!! All starting with Kaela's hit!! She even ended up back up to bat...but we had scored our 6 run limit for the inning!! Lebo comes up to bat in the bottom of the 5th. Time has expired at this time....so if they dont score more than 6 runs, we win! Payton pitched really good!! She was on fire! If only you could see this girl. She is a petite girl...but an awesome ball player!! We had one of the Lebo girls that hit the ball straight at Kaela's but it went thru her legs, into the outfield. That girl ended up with a homerun...but it was illegal!! Her own team pointed out that she hadnt touched 2nd base. But we only had one official behind the plate. So it didnt get called!! But that didnt matter!! We WON!!! 6-2!! It was great!! The girls were so pumped!! I hope it continues to tonites game. I think we play Yates Center, who is an awesome team!! They stomped us 13-0 when we played them regular season. I am hoping we can avenge that game too!! I believe if we win that game, we go on to play another game tonite for championship!! That will mean for some tired girls!!
We have headed out to the cemetary quite a few times to see if Carli's bench has made it in. It isnt out there yet! I am really hoping it will make it today. We shall see!! I am so excited to see it! I hope it turns out as good as it is in my head!! As soon as it is out there, I will try to get a picture!!
Keep your fingers crossed!! It looks like the sky is clouding up!! Damn!! Stay away rain!!!!
Well, the good news is that it isnt raining at the moment. But it is still dreary and overcast. I guess the one good thing about all the rain is that at least we wont have to worry about the grass catching on fire from the fireworks!!
Speaking of fireworks...I am really bummed about a few things. #1 is that I should be worrying about how Carli would react to them. But I dont have that to worry about. The other thing is that the 4th is on a Wednesday this year. That really sucks!! Casey is usually in bed by 8 or 8:30pm since he has to get up at 3:15am. I guess we might have to do our fireworks tonite so he can enjoy them too.
We had a middle school girl come and watch the boys for a little over an hour last nite. It was suppose to be 1 & 1/2 hours. She is Mikaela's best friends sister. All in all I think it went really well. She said she would come and watch them again sometime.
I am trying to figure out what I want to do today. I of course dont want to stay home. Imagine that!! I know the kids are going to want to do fireworks. Keaton has already mentioned it to me!! *LOL*
Last nite, Casey and I were laying down in our room, and Keaton came down looking so sweet dragging Carli's little purple blanket. He wanted to sleep with us because of the big bad wolves. He told us that they couldnt get him in our room, and then proceeded to lock our bedroom door to keep them out!! It was pretty darn cute!! Then he is climbing on the bed, and Casey told him there was one right there....poor guy freaked out and started crying. Bad bad daddy!! But it sure was funny!! Keaton has been cracking us up with some of the things he says!!
Have I mentioned that it is still raining here? I wish it would quit already! Doesnt look like it is going to let up either!! It is all dark and gloomy! I hate it!! My rain gutters are overflowing, which is making loud noises outside my bedroom! My backyard is going to look like a swimming pool before long. The big ditch in my neighbors yard already looks like it!! Maybe I can take a picture of it too!! If I ever get my camera charged!! *LOL*
Not to mention, I slept like crap last nite!! I had my first very unsettling night of dreaming about dead babies. I cant say that was very nice at all!! Well, I guess it wasnt all nite, because I was up the other part! I even went ahead and took my temp at 6am rather than my usual 6:35am. Keaton was up at the crack of dawn too. Casey said he woke up at 4am and Keaton was up watching cartoons. At least he can do that. But then he started coming downstairs and talking to me. That is when I decided I would go ahead and get up!
