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And now the big letdown feeling begins. Real positive huh? Sorry!! I think I am always a little bummed after Christmas is over. You know, the big build up...then the big letdown. We had a good Christmas despite the fact that I couldnt find the Target bag that had some of the stocking stuffers in it!! The kids had a blast like they always do!! Keaton cracked me up. Christmas Eve Casey and I had ran out of town and got a big tote to put one of Keaton's presents in. We told him it was for him, and he was so excited about an empty tote!!

I have decided to go ahead and post this, even though it wasnt really finished....just to have it there!! (01-14-08)

Here I am at 25 weeks! I have been really cranky this week. My poor family!! I think part of it has to do with the fact that we have had crappy weather all week!! The beginning of the week we had the wonderful ice...yuck!! And then we have had snow here the past few days. Needless to say, the sun hasnt been out much, and I am definately a person that needs sunlight daily!!

I just feel aggravated all the way around. I think I always get stressed this time of year. I always worry that my kids wont feel like they got all they should (which they have everything!!), and money always seems to be a big concern. I know, I know...that is a big concern for everyone!! It just seems that it is more of a concern at different times...with right now being one of those!!

Ahhhhhhh!! I just want to scream!! Am I whiny enough?

On a different note, I did something yesterday that I didnt do with Carli. I have taken all the blankets and onesies out of thier packages. I also decided that I wanted to wash the clothes we have. That is something I never did with Carli. All the clothes still had the tags on them. But they dont now!! I washed all of the onesies, and blankets, and the clothes yesterday. Well, all the 0-3 month ones. I really want to get going on her bedroom!! I want to set up the crib, and I want to get a bedding set. The one I want is $189, I dont know if Casey will let me get it, but it is beautiful!! When we get our tax return back I will be buying a new pack n play, which I am really looking forward to! I feel horrible wishing away my pregnancy!! But I am so ready for March!! I think I am more ready for my baby than I have ever been before, which kinda scares me!!

I really shouldnt be on here right now. My house needs picked up, and we have a ton of stuff to do. I just have no energy to do the stuff that I NEED to do. And I hate that!! I think that is part of my problem too this week. I feel guilty because I know I should be doing something productive, but instead I am sitting watching t.v. because it occupies my mind!!

Casey and I each have our gifts for Christmas. We have both played with them already. We got him one of those fancy remotes that does pretty much everything!! Not just any universal remote, one of the fancy ones!! It is great!! And I got one of those picture printers. Kinda amazing since Casey always thought they were crazy. But we got an HP one, and it is pretty good. The only size it does though is 4x6, which is ok. I figure with Mackenzie coming, I should be getting back into taking a ton of pics, and maybe even attempting to scrapbook them. I have really been bad about taking pictures ever since we found out about Carli's condition. I have slacked off so much. I need to get back into the groove!!

24 weeks today!!

Yes, I can hardly believe it, but I am 24 weeks today!! Hopefully 14 weeks from tomorrow, we will be welcoming Mackenzie into our family!! I am feeling pretty good. I have been having some issues, sometimes when I eat or drink, I feel like it gets stuck down between my breast bone. I just thought it was a fluke, but then one night I had fallen asleep on the couch, and woke up to a coughing fit, and ended up throwing up black stuff. I called the dr the next Monday, and he told me he thinks it has something to do with my heartburn. I told him I didnt know if that was it or not, because I havent really been having as much trouble with it here lately. I havent had any more of the throwing up issues. But, the damn heartburn has been increasing...damn!! I was hoping this pregnancy I might miss out on the extreme version that I have had with all 4 of the others!!

I think I am going to go take the wonderful glucose test tomorrow morning. I guess it really isnt all that bad, I just hate waiting the hour....hope I pass this one, because I really dont want to do the 3 hour one!! Wish me luck!!

Sometimes the weirdest things will get to me. We were heading to the babysitter, and Keaton made an innocent enough comment. He informed me that there are alot of bones at the cemetary. Now, logically, I know this. But it just amazes me how I never really think of it that way. When we go out to see Carli, I dont even think about the fact that, if she isnt already, she will be bones. I always think of her in the way we saw her last. Same thing with my grandma and grandpa. Just one of those odd things, huh??

I went to Andrew's funeral today. I was extremely emotional. But, how could I not be? This is the first funeral I think I have been to since Carli died. It was definately a different kind of funeral. But, I suppose if you know Andrew's mom, Brenda, that shouldnt surprise you. The song they had the casket leave on was International Harvest. I dont think I have ever heard it before today, but it made you have a smile on your face, which is what his family was hoping for. I took some baked spaghetti and garlic bread out to the family yesterday. I am thinking they liked it, because when I told Ryan to holler if he needed anything, he told me I could bring more of that pasta stuff! They seem to be doing ok. Which I am very glad for. I still worry for them thou! This part is hard, but I hate knowing how it could possibly hit them here soon!!

I went and stopped to see Carli after going to there house yesterday. I didnt stay long since it was below freezing, but I wanted to see the tree and wreath that my mother in law put out there. They are pretty cute!! The little tree has a little santa hat on it that says "Tiny Elf" and the wreath I think has blueberries and some kind of red berry on it, and a really pretty bow that she made for it!! Maybe I can make it out there and try to get some pics of it in the daylight!! I really like that the ice/snow that we got yesterday didnt cover Carli's name or picture. The top of the bench protects it pretty well!

Seems like there was something else I wanted to blog about, but of course, I cant think of it!! Guess that can be the next post huh??

Now, Bad news!

It is amazing how one thing can upset the whole day isnt it? We got to work and one of the girls said she thought she heard on the radio that one of our teenagers was killed the night before. None of us had heard anything like that, so we were hoping that maybe she misheard the name of the city. Turns out she did hear the right thing. One of our Senior class boys was killed Tuesday nite. I guess they were on their was back from a basketball game, and stopped at an off ramp to use the bathroom. Some how, the boy, named Andrew, didnt make it back in the car, and a car I guess came up behind and ran him over.

The whole town (since I live in a small town) is just upside down. The house that we bought, we bought from his grandpa, but we did the negoitations with his mom and dad. I absolutely love his mom!! Her name is Brenda, and she is just the sweetest thing. I remember when Mikaela was in the Sweet Six contest, she was up there adding money to Mikaela's box in hopes of helping her win...and she was wonderful with the news of Carli. And then when we found out we were expecting Mackenzie, she was supportive again.

My heart just breaks for her and her family. I think this is the first person that I know in my real life that has lost a child since I lost Carli. And it just makes you hurt all over again. Well, I guess the hurt was always there, but it brings it right back to the front burner.

So, if you could say an extra prayer for Brenda and her family, it would be appreciated. Andrew has an older brother, and a twin brother. His twin, Ryan, got hurt jumping out of the car to get to Andrew, and is in the hospital with a tear in his lung. So, it just keeps going. I know Brenda is being the rock right now, but I worry about her when she needs the rock!!!

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