Just Taking It Day by Day

Oh such good news!! My dear wonderful friend Kate has had Myles!! Here is a link to her blog, since I am illiterate and cant do it the cool way,(http://www.everythingisundercontrol.blogspot.com/). I am sure this is a day that seemed like it would never make it here for her! I am so, so happy for Kate. Words cannot describe how much love is being sent her way!!

Thanksgiving is behind us. We hosted it at our house for some of my family. It seemed to go pretty good. There is a story to go with it thou. We were sitting in the kitchen, and Casey had taken the turkey that was marinating in the brine out of the fridge. Mikaela came in the kitchen and reminded me that Tuesday would have been Carli's 8 month birthday. To which I replied that I had completely missed that. Casey decided to be sassy at that point and asked me if I had already forgotten about Carli. I know he was giving me a hard time, but that is NOT something to even tease about!! It really bothered me and I was just about ready to bust into tears....then Casey tried moving the turkey breasts to drain into the sink....and the damn bag burst all over ME!! Talk about shock!! It shocked the tears away!!

Which brings me to a whole other issue!! I think part of the reason that I missed Carli's 8 month birthday is the fact that we had an appt with the maternal-fetal specialist on Monday, that and the fact that we were getting ready for Thanksgiving. Our appt went wonderful!! We got a ton of pics of Mackenzie!! Everything is looking terrific! She is measuring right on for where she is at...we saw the heart, the diaphragm, the stomach, her face. All looked wonderful! He asked if we wanted to come back, at which point I told him that was up to him. We are going to go back and see him on January 14th I think it is, just to have him check her lungs and all that good jazz. I see my regular dr tomorrow, and will take him a copy of the report too.

I am so ready for March to be here. I think Casey is getting tired of hearing me say that. I am sure everyone is tired of hearing me say it. But it is true!! I really am not wanting to wish away time, but I think I realized when Kate made the announcement that Myles was here, that I just want to hold my baby girl!

I went up to where will eventually be Mackenzie's room today. I actually took the onesies out of the packages, and the blankets too. That is something I didnt do with Carli. I think I took one blanket out...I am even tempted to wash all the clothes that I do have. But part of me is nervous to do that. I really want to go buy a few of the big things for Mackenzie. I saw a really cute pink pack n play that I want to get. I have a dark blue one that I have used with the other kids....but I really want a pink one for her. I can always have one upstairs and one downstairs. I also have never really had a real decorated nursery for any of my kids. Now that we live in our own house, I would love to actually do one. I have even found some really cute bedding that I like.

When I was up in Mackenzie's room, I went out to the car and got Carli's diaper bag from the back of the car. How bad does that sound?? I havent even brought in the diaper bag. I have a bunch of other stuff here, but I hadnt brought that in. I found some interesting info in there about grieving and about neonatal death. Maybe I wasnt ready for that at the time. But it all made sense to me today when I read it.

I am trying to decide if I want to use Carli's diaper bag for Mackenzie or not. I mean, it only makes sense that I should...but....

The really funny thing is...I have a thing about butterflies...they remind me of Carli. We bought Carli's diaper bag the night before we had her...literally! Guess what is on it....BUTTERFLIES and flowers. How weird is that! I never even made that connection before TODAY!! I have had my eye on a diaper bag at Wal*Mart that is brown with pretty pink/orange stripes. I might still get it, just in case. But I have been thinking about getting some of the stuff ready for the bag. Like the coming home outfit, and a few other outfits. Casey's aunt Jo got Carli a really cute little white preemie dress that Carli never got to wear. I think I might have Mackenzie wear that for the pictures that the hospital takes. I will make sure it is ok with her of course, but I dont see it being a problem at all.

I am glad that I am seeing my dr tomorrow. I have been having this funky thing happen when I try to eat or drink. It is almost like it gets stuck in my chest, and I have to breathe thru it to get the food/drink down the rest of the way. Hope he doesnt think I am a fruit cake!!