Just Taking It Day by Day

The past few days have been really really hard. I feel like I had been doing ok for awhile. Then these past few days, just thinking of Carli brings almost uncontrolable tears that threaten to break the dam. I just think back to the very beginning of my pregnancy with her, back to before I even knew I was pregnant. Casey and I had gone on a motorcycle ride to a lake that is about 20 minutes or so away from here. As we were riding along, I saw this beautiful double rainbow. It hadnt rained recently, so I was extremely shocked to see such a sight. I just seemed to stare at it in amazement!! It was at that moment that I knew after 3 months of trying to conceive, that this was THE cycle. Sure enough....right before I was expecting to start, I tested. And I got my positive!! It just seemed that everything was going along so well!! I was going to have my last baby by the time I was 30, which happened February 7th. I was having the baby girl that I wanted. It just all seemed to be perfect!! There are so many things that made me feel like that...too many to list.

I was at Mikaela's softball game the other nite, waiting to find out if it was going to be cancelled or not..and it hit me! I should have a 2 month old to be loving and playing with, one to keep us entertained! It bothered me yesterday too at Worlds of Fun...I saw all these cute little babies...and it made me upset that I wasnt having to lug around that big stroller while chasing Carter and Keaton. I really think that weighed me down yesterday. I really enjoyed watching the boys have fun...but I had to hold back my tears a few times yesterday. It sucks so much!! I am hoping that this cycle will be the one for this next baby! Come on Angel Carli!! Help Mommy with that magic!!